Continual Surrender

Years ago I was seeing a naturopath in Burlington, Ontario and she said to me one day that what I needed to do was “Surrender”.  I remember looking at her as if she was speaking a foreign language, and I actually said, “What do you mean, surrender?”  To me, that sounded like just giving up and didn’t sound like a viable solution when you’re talking about challenges involving, your kids, for example.

I finally figured it out about two years ago, when I threw my arms in the air and said to whomever might be within earshot, but to God specifically, “I don’t know what else to do here; I’m giving it over to you to handle.  Please just guide me along my journey and bring me to whatever is in my highest good.”

There was and is a sense of peace that comes from that – knowing that it’s not all up to you.  Which is how I’d been operating for a very long time.  The “if it was meant to be, it’s up to me” mentality, which I don’t think is a bad thing intrinsically.  For me, however, that personal edict translated into putting myself in overdrive mode in caring for my daughter with special needs, wanting to do all I could to give her a good start in life.  And then trying to just keep it all going when my son came along and I was perpetually exhausted from lack of sleep and caregiving.

Recently, a couple of months ago, I had another surrender moment.  Again, I was facing a situation that I was really torn over.  Finally, after months of malaise, coming to a decision that I didn’t really want to make.  Again, I just said that I was surrendering it all over to God or the Universe to make it what it would be.  And, much to my surprise, something outside of my control happened and changed my course again.

During this recent period in my life, I finally learned why I kept repeating a certain way of being…I realized it was because I was operating (again) under the impression that I was the one that had to make it happen…rather than just TRUSTING that the right thing for me would happen.  That it would be delivered to me, if I just let go and let it happen.

So, here I am reminding myself as much as is necessary, that it’s all good, and to trust that it will all work out for the best (even if it’s not clear to me in this lifetime).

For you too. I’m sure of that now.